Even a Fading Flower Can Blossom
by Womenreligiousfan
Summary: When Hyacinth loses Daddy and Richard, how will she go on? A story of Depression,Recovery and Hope. TW: Suicide attempt. This is more hurt/ comfort while confronting a serious subject and stoping stigma. Not graphic.
1. Chapter 1

Elizabeth Warden was standing on the doorstep of the Bucket ( also pronounced Bouquet) residence extremely worried. Since the death of her dear Daddy a month ago and her faithful husband Richard, a week ago,Hyacinth hadn't quite seemed herself, but would refuse to talk about her feelings every time Elizabeth asked. Elizabeth opened the door, surprised to find it unlocked. She heard a recording of a church choir playing Guide Me O Thy Great Redeemer.

"Hyacinth!," Elizabeth called. She walked into the kitchen,and almost collapsed at the sight before her,Hyacinth lay on the floor,deathly pale,eyes closed, with a note on fine stationery beside her.

"Hyacinth!," she screamed. She found her pulse was faint and her breathing shallow. Elizabeth called 999 with shaking hands.

" My friend is unconscious, barely breathing, a note.. No I don't know how she.. Please hurry!" Elizabeth hastily gave the dispatcher Hyacinth's address.

"It'll be alright ,Hyacinth. I care for you, so does your family. You are difficult, but loved, still loved. God, help her. Help her know she doesn't have to keep up this silly facade anymore. If only I knew she was hurting. Oh.. God it was only a facade wasn't it?" There was a woman Elizabeth remembered who wasn't so obsessed with keeping up appearances and she liked the old Hyacinth better.

As she rode in the ambulance with Hyacinth, she gently stroked her hand and sang hymns and show tunes she knew Hyacinth loved. She knew somewhere in her unconscious state, Hyacinth knew she was cared for.

" Till we have built Jerusalem in England's green and pleasant land," sang Elizabeth as the ambulance came to a stop.

Although Hyacinth never knew, the reason it had taken Gayle longer to finish university was her struggle with bipolar disorder. Elizabeth had made a similar trip to Accident and Emergency Department when Gayle had harmed herself during a depressive episode. Although, it wasn't this medically severe, she knew how to best help someone get good care in crisis. She tried to intervene with Hyacinth's depression earlier, and was glad she could be with her now, knowing thinking of the what ifs would do her no good. She knew this hospital. She liked it very much. It was founded by Anglican sisters, now run by NHS, and had a wonderful psychiatric had hoped the chaplain sister was still there. She was a sister and a vicar. Elizabeth knew Hyacinth would highly respect that and find comfort in her presence, even if she wasn't keen on women's ordination.

It had been 20 years since she Elizabeth had spent a considerable amount of time here, besides visiting an occasional church friend here. Elizabeth ran behind the stretcher.

" Is there a psychiatric team on staff, now?," asked Elizabeth.

" Yes, Ma'am, are you family?,asked the doctor.

" Neighbor and friend."

"Paramedics say suspected overdose, suicide attempt? We will do everything we can.."

"Elizabeth."

" Elizabeth, we will update you as soon as possible."

Elizabeth went into the waiting room, put her head in her hands and prayed. She then sent a text to Hyacinth's family. She remembered how 20 years ago, Hyacinth was so proud of her mobile phone. How times had changed, she thought.

Elizabeth stepped out to call the family. She advised they not come all at once. She told Sheridan,she didn't think bringing Tarquin would be the best idea.

" Because he's someone she doesn't know, good God, my coming out to her shortly before Dad died didn't cause her to.."

"Oh no, Sheridan! Her note talked of missing your grandfather and father. Yes, we don't want to overwhelm her."

" Thanks for everything Liz. People like you, help keep me being a man of faith,in God and in humanity. You've been a saint looking past Mummy's flaws and seeing a loving, vulnerable woman who needs a friend."

" Thanks so much, Sheridan. I'll see you soon. I really think your mother would feel comfortable with you staying with her after the hospitalization, something to think about."

"Thanks, Liz. Is her vicar coming?"

" He's on holiday in Cornwall, now."

" Well, I hope she gets the spiritual help she needs, as well as physically and mentally,of course."

"Yes, Sheridan. I'm so glad you are going back to school for psychology. It's a blessing in times like this to have someone else who can be a great advocate for your Mum."

" I'll be leaving shortly. I'll text you when I get there."

" Thanks."

Sheridan arrived a few minutes later.

" Any word?," he asked.

Elizabeth shook her head and handed Sheridan a note and an almost empty pill bottle. He began to silently read.

Elizabeth,

Life without being a good housewife to my sweet, yet sometimes difficult husband and helping my darling Daddy is impossible. While some may think it's a sin to do so, I think it's my duty to join them. What is my purpose without them? Sheridan loves his Mummy, but he has a lover to take care of him now. Violet declares she doesn't need any help as a divorcee and Lord knows I can't help Onslow, Daisy or Rose, they somehow enjoy the horrid poverty I escaped from after marriage. Please don't tell any friends or family how I left this world, not even the Vicar. I knew you'd understand dear, you are my closest friend.

Sincerely,

Hyacinth Bucket

" Oh, I still need you,Mum! There were a lot of sleeping pills in that bottle. I've heard of those ones. We must give that to the doctor, the note as well."

"Yes," replied Elizabeth.

A middle aged woman with a hospital badge entered the waiting room.

" Hello, are you the family of Hyacinth Bucket? I'm the A&E Psychiatrist tonight, Dr. Julie Ward. Please,come on back to my office."

Once in Dr. Ward's office,Sheridan and Elizabeth introduced themselves. " Elizabeth Warden, her neighbor. I.. I found her.. Call me Liz."

I'm her son, Sheridan."

Nice to meet you both. I'm sorry you had to see what you did, but I'm thankful your neighbor is here, Have you been able to give any info to registration?"

" Just with the paramedics,although Hyacinth has her medical information here," said Elizabeth, handing it to Dr. Ward with the suicide note and almost empty bottle.

" Thanks, I'll give the doctor these, and show you to registration. Our first priority is to stabilize Hyacinth before assessing her physical and mental health. I know you probably want to talk to me her mental health,but it's important I asses her. I've got the information about what you saw from the paramedics, Liz. I wish there was more I could do now, but for now we just have to wait."

"Have you seen, Mum?," asked Sheridan.

" In passing, just a moment. Her doctor just paged me. I told him I'd grab you."

" I'll go see the doctor. Liz, if she still has Dad listed as first emergency contact,you can change it to me. Daisy said she wanted be listed, last time we talked. Here is her contact info.

" Thanks, Sheridan."

A few minutes later, Sheridan was standing beside his unconscious mother, talking to Dr. Jones the A&E doctor.

"Oh, Mum, come back to us." He held his mother's hand.

We've given her an IV,oxygen and are monitoring her heart. Her state is common for taking the amount she took."

" Will she make it?" asked Sheridan.

" I think so, but I can't make any are going to pump her stomach,now. I'll let you know when that's in."

" Thank you Dr. Jones. If she regains consciousness, it's important you pronounce her name as Bouquet, like the flowers. She insists on it, but as for everyone else in the family it's Bucket."

" I'll remember that. She seems lucky to have you as a son," said Dr. Jones giving a kind smile.

"Thanks. I love you Mum. I know your purpose in life must be in question, now, but I'll love you no matter what. Come back to,us we love you."

He left giving her hand a gentle squeeze.


	2. Chapter 2

Sheridan sat at his mother's bedside holding her hand and singing songs they both liked, British patriotic music and show tunes. He knew that would bring his still unconscious mother comfort.

"You'll never walk alone," sang Sheridan.

Liz looked at her phone and panicked for a second.

" Oh dear, how will I ever tell Emmet. He only sees what your Mum wants him to see, not the vulnerable women she is. Maybe now, he'll realize she's actually human now. I'll be back."

" He's a nice chap. I'm sure he just hates Mum's behavior, not her," said Sheridan.

" Oh I'm sure you're right Sheridan. I'm just stepping out," Liz went to call Emmet.

" Let us help you, Mum. We all love you so much."

He knew things would be hard for his mother. As a child, some of her obsessive and narcissistic tendencies annoyed him. As he got older they worried him sometimes, along with her naïvety. It was a wonder she hadn't fallen for scams that targeted older adults. He was thankful for that, at least. If she could be convinced to have long term counseling and had an excellent counselor, he thought she may be more like the young lady who Daisy, Rose and Violet had told Sheridan about. But for now she needed much more immediate help. He wondered what her reaction would be when she came to. He feared she'd be very resistant to assessment and treatment.

A nurse came in the room and introduced herself to Sheridan.

" I'm Helen. I'm the nurse that will be by Hyacinth when she regains consciousness,observing her and making sure she stays safe. Are you family?"

" Her son, Sheridan. Were you notified of her preferred pronunciation of her last name?"

" Yes, this room is also monitored so the staff has surveillance of it at all times, and we've taken all the precautions to keep your mother safe."

" Thank you for everything."

" You're very welcome."

A few minutes later, Elizabeth stepped back into the room. Hyacinth's doctor had the tube in her stomach removed as the contents were empty. Hyacinth groaned.

" Mrs Bucket?,questioned the doctor.

" Hyacinth,it's Elizabeth."

" I'm here,Mum."

"I'm going to check your vital signs,Mrs Bucket. My name is Jean. I'm the A & E nurse."

" You are in hospital, Mrs. Bucket," said her doctor, Dr. Jones.

"Mrs. Bucket, your heart rate is closer to normal," said Jean.

Just then, the opening notes of Hip to Be Square came from Sheridan's phone. Hyacinth raised her eyebrows, something she usually did in disapproval.

" You're in there somewhere, Mum. Even if you aren't responding. I'll be back." Sheridan took the call from Tarquin.

Hyacinth mumbled, " Mummy, Daddy,Richard,I'm coming." She opened her eyes and saw Jean. " Mummy?"

" Mrs Bucket, I'm Jean, an A&E nurse. You are at Coventry Hospital." Times like this made Jean wish she could drop the the professionalism. It was hard seeing patients regain consciousness and be confused.

" What… I, not heaven? Elizabeth?" Hyacinth tried to sit up.

" Stay still, Mrs. Bucket. I'm the A&E Doctor, Doctor Jones."

" I'm in hospital. Elizabeth?"

" I'm here Hyacinth. I had to help." She grabbed Hyacinth's hand.

" Mrs. Bucket we have to run some more tests. I'm your doctor, Dr. Jones. We are here to keep you healthy and safe. It's important we know what happened and help keep you physically and mentally well."

" I'm not like Mummy that way,no,no I'm fine."

Sheridan walked into the room.

" Mum, oh Mum!" Sheridan held her hand and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

" What? How? You must be so…ashamed. I want to cry." Hyacinth wasn't used to allowing herself show negative emotions to others.

" I'm not, Mum. People have seen plenty of crying in hospital. It's acceptable. I want to understand what's troubling you and how I can help."

" What do you all want with me?" asked Hyacinth in a monotone voice.

" To help you stay safe and get well. My name is Helen, I'm a psychiatric nurse," said Helen.

"Psychiatric?" Hyacinth's eyes went wide.

" It's alright, Mrs. Bucket. There is no need to be frightened. If you want to harm yourself still, I'll sit with and help keep you safe."

" This is a wonderful hospital,Hyacinth. I was impressed with the care Gayle received here," said Elizabeth.

" I.. I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can maintain composure." Hyacinth hadn't cried in front of people in years.

" We are here to help, not judge Mrs. Bucket," said Dr. Jones.

" I.. I'll manage."

" Everyone needs help, Mum."

" We are going to run some tests. It's what we call toxicology. We need to see what remains in your system, since using a tube to empty your stomach," explained Dr. Jones.

" You, oh dear, you know, don't you?"

"Know what, Mrs. Bucket," asked Dr, Jones.

" How.. I, what I took."

" Yes, we think we do, but not how much and when."

" I.. I can't talk.."

"Just have a good cry, Mum. Liz and I will be with you as long as you need."

Hyacinth sobbed unable to speak.

"Mrs. Bucket, was this full when you took it?" Asked Dr. Jones showing the bottle Elizabeth brought.

Hyacinth gasped and closed her eyes, slowly nodding.

" Now there are some questions we ask everyone, especially in situations like yours,alright," asked Helen.

Hyacinth nodded.

" Do you have any plans to harm yourself or others?"

" I don't know, I.. I want this to go away. I'm sorry,so sorry. I.. I won't hurt others." Sheridan and Elizabeth had never seen her so vulnerable and weak.

" Hyacinth, you don't need to be so frightened. Things have changed for the better in psychiatric care since you were young," said Elizabeth.

" Your friend is right. No one is going to hurt you. Helen can sit with you, if you feel like hurting yourself. She'll get help if need be,"said Dr. Jones.

" Don't leave me Elizabeth, Sheridan."

" We'll stay as long as we can, Mum."

" Mrs. Bucket, do you feel things will ever get better?,"asked Dr. Jones.

" I.. I don't think so."

"Did you have a plan?"

"Yes, the pills, whole bottle."

" What led up to the attempt?"

" Daddy, Mummy and my dear husband are gone. I don't want to talk anymore."

" May, I talk to your son and friend about your attempt?"

" I'm a respectable person."

" Mum, this is not about character flaws, or saving face and keeping up appearances. Even Princess Diana struggled with depression," said Sheridan.

" Your son is right," said Dr. Jones.

" Fine. I'm exhausted."

" I'll stay with you, then Hyacinth," said Helen.

" That's nice, dear," said Hyacinth absentmindedly who closed her eyes wishing she could go into a deep sleep forever.

Meanwhile in the doctor's office Elizabeth and Sheridan were talking to Dr. Jones.

" What she told you makes sense, as that's how I found her and that's what was in the note about her family. She was so good at minimizing her emotions that I thought she'd just throw herself into church work and keep on with her life. She will be having a more comprehensive assessment I assume?, asked Elizabeth.

" We will try. She seems very resistant."

" Mum has always been stubborn, obsessed with keeping up appearances, a bit narcissistic. I know she won't tell you that, but think it's very important for you to know,"

" Was her mother mentally ill?," asked Dr Jones.

" I was puzzled by that I'm not like Mum, bit. Was she Sheridan?"asked Elizabeth.

" Well, according to my Aunt Violet, it sounds like she had Bipolar Disorder and spent most of the the 1950's and 1960's in psychiatric hospitals. I think is afraid she'll be hospitalized for long periods of time. She died when I was young,"said Sheridan.

" I see, that explains that fear. I'll consult with the psychiatrist, Dr. Ward. When your mother goes home, will you be able to give her support?"

" I'll move in with her and Liz is right next door."

" Good, she seems to love you very much. She appears to be doing better physically, but I am concerned about that fragile mental state. It's important she be able to cope with her feelings better," said Dr. Jones.

" Oh, of course. It will be a long road ahead of her, but with Liz and I advocating, I trust she'll get what she needs. Do you think the psychiatrist could evaluate her tonight?," said Sheridan.

" Yes, I do, then our team will decide the best way to proceed. I really hope we can convince your mother to stay voluntarily."

" She's too weak to go home tonight isn't she?, asked Elizabeth.

" Yes, and we are still waiting on test results."

" Thanks so much Dr. Jones," said Sheridan.

" You are welcome, now let's go to your Mother."

Elizabeth and Sheridan left feeling very confident with Hyacinth's medical team.


	3. Chapter 3

Hyacinth had tried to rest a bit, but her dreams were of those she wished to join in heaven. She opened her eyes and saw the nurse sitting beside her.

" Are you cross with me?" asked Hyacinth.

" No Mrs Bucket. I'm just doing my job. I like being able to help," said Helen.

Just then, Sheridan and Elizabeth entered the room with Dr. Ward.

" Mrs. Bucket, I hope you had a good rest. I'm Dr. Ward, the A & E psychiatrist." Dr. Ward extended her hand.

" Oh, um.. Sheridan?"

" Yes, Mum?"

" Why did you, how could you?" Her voice was trembling.

" Mum, this is standard, a psychiatrist should be involved now. Her intent is to help."

" Don't be afraid Mrs. Bucket. It's just a few questions. I won't harm you," said Dr. Ward.

"Questions again, please leave." Hyacinth gave an icy glare.

" She's a lovely woman, Hyacinth," said Elizabeth.

" Please, Mum. You need help." Sheridan grabbed Hyacinth's hand.

" What will happen to me?, asked Hyacinth in a low voice.

" Well, I'll ask you a few questions and our staff will decide what the next steps should be. The doctor will see you again tonight," replied Dr. Ward.

" He knows what happens , must I repeat it?"

" We have the facts,true, but want you to get the help you need, so you can be safe, so it's important to understand what happened, how you felt and what you are feeling."

" Feelings,really?" Hyacinth didn't know what to think about that.

" Yes, Mrs. Bucket."

" Mum, will you let Dr. Ward talk with you now?," asked Sheridan.

" Yes, if I must."

"I'm going to get some supper. I'll be back with Elizabeth in a bit."

" Come here,love," said Hyacinth who kissed Sheridan on the cheek.

Once Elizabeth and Sheridan left, Hyacinth began her assessment.

" Dear Lord, I.. I don't how, if I can do this. I've never been associated with psychiatry, personally. It's frightening, shameful," whispered Hyacinth.

" It doesn't have to be Mrs. Bucket. Do you feel like life is not worth living?"

" I do hate that question so. I want.. I want to.. be free."

" Free from what Mrs. Bucket?"

" Horrid feelings."

" What feelings, Mrs. Bucket?"

" Shame, sadness, loneliness, uselessness." Hyacinth looked down avoiding eye contact as tears streamed down her face.

"Mrs. Bucket, you told Dr. Jones the attempt was planned, could you tell me how that happened?"

" I was so lonely, so lonely, so tired. So.. I decided the next time I went to the chemist,I'd.. take the whole bottle." Tears began to stream down Hyacinth's face.

" Any other medical conditions I should be aware of,substance abuse?"

" Just high cholesterol and the occasional sleeping medication. I don't abuse anything!"

" Just asking, Mrs. Bucket." She sensed as hopeless as Hyacinth felt, she still had some pride.

" I'm not like my parents" "

What do you mean Mrs. Bucket?"

" Daddy was a kind soul, when he hadn't been drinking. Mummy acted rather crazy, and kept on being sent to hospital. I'm not like her though. I've just been blue lately. She got so happy and delusional, then so sad. I'm not like that though,I'm not!"

" Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?"

" No, though Elizabeth, bless her wanted to help me. Asking if I was depressed,it's nobody's business if I am."

" You can get help, if you feel depressed."

" Not what they did to my dear Mummy." Hyacinth's eyes widened.

" Things have changed for the better."

" Oh, I'll be a burden when I leave hospital."

" Do you have any coping skills, what makes you feel better?"

" Not much. I'm not a child."

" I didn't say you were. Would you like to make a plan to help you feel safe?"

" Sounds like rubbish, just let me sleep."

" Mrs. Bucket, when you leave, this all won't go away. It's very important you get treatment."

" How?"

" A short inpatient stay would include; counseling, trying to find medication that would best help you,art and/or music therapy and recreation. Our goal is to help."

" Oh, I miss them so,so much, so loving, so loyal."

" How do you feel right now?"

" Still scared. I.. I don't want to sound crazy, but I.. want my Mummy and Daddy." Hyacinth put her head down as if ashamed.

" That's a very normal reaction, Mrs. Bucket, but, if you could would you try.."

" I.. I,where are my things?"

" Locked away,for now, just a precaution."

" I wish I could show you, my Richard."

" Your husband?"

" Yes, and Sheridan's baby pictures. They shall be in my coffin. Try to go to heaven again? I shouldn't but I kind of want to. This is humiliating."

Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Sheridan were having dinner in the hospital cafeteria.

" I guess I just don't tremble with your Mum around," said Elizabeth, who was shivering, despite the cardigan she was wearing as she picked up her decaf coffee. Elizabeth was always shaking when Hyacinth handed her fine china.

" You really do care for her,don't you?"asked Sheridan.

" Yes, she was always a lovely person, but insecure. I tried to help tone down her pretentious ways at first,but they just got worse, poor dear. I always was there for those who needed help. It's my nature.".

" I'm glad we see eye to eye on things. We must work together to help Mum."

" She tried so hard to be who she thought would her gain acceptance, but she just couldn't see what she was doing to herself or others. Trying so hard to keep,up appearances that she alienates people,"said Elizabeth.

" That's very true. We seem to be in good hands here though. I'm just nervous about after the hospital."

"I'll help as much as I can, I understand depression."

" Of course, how is Gayle,now?"

" She still struggles, but does all she can help her symptoms and lead a full life, even if it isn't what she thought she'd be doing, years ago."

" I wonder if Mum would ever listen to any advice from her?"

" That would be wonderful. I hope your Mum can find a good therapist and be convinced to take medications," replied Elizabeth.

" So do I, now let's go see if she is available."

Hyacinth spent the night in the hospital convincing herself she needed to try to sleep and eat something. Something told her psychiatric hospitalization might help, but she wasn't so sure about opening up more. How could she live without going to rescue her wandering father or taking care of and enlisting her husband Richard to help her? Did Sheridan want to help her, or would she be a burden? All she knew is that she needed to sleep now. She was exhausted.


	4. Chapter 4

Sheridan walked in the door of his small but comfortable flat he shared with his partner Tarquin.

" Hello love, dinner is waiting. Are you hungry?," asked Tarquin.

" Something light?"

" Cucumber sandwiches, kale and quinoa."

" Perfect, tonight is not a meat and potatoes night."

" I thought so. How is she?"

" Conscious, vulnerable and scared. I've never seen her like that. It looks like she'll do well physically, but she still wants to die."

" Will she stay and get psychiatric help?"

" I think she's leaning toward acceptance of it."

"Good, do you want some sherry?"

" Yes, please," said Sheridan as he sat down at the table.

" Is her neighbor helpful?"

"Very, her daughter went to school with me and has bipolar disorder. She understands crisis."

" She likes the hospital then?"

" Yes, we are all very happy with the care she is receiving. How was your day?"

" I was worried about you, but it went well. I brought you some sweets."

" Thanks,but maybe later."

After attending culinary school, Tarquin opened up a sweet shop, that was popular in the neighborhood.

"Let's play our song,"said Tarquin.

" I'll light the fire," said Sheridan.

" And I'll put the flowers in the vase you bought today," said Tarquin.

" Having a Mum who was obsessed with keeping the perfect house and a partner who is a wonderful chef and baker is lovey. Our house is a very fine house. Now let me put on that Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young after lighting that fire," said Sheridan.

At Elizabeth's house, her brother Emmett had just made dinner. Elizabeth came in sobbing.

" Liz are you alright? She's still alive isn't she?"

" Yes, but in so much pain emotionally. It's so hard to see. She really needs help."

" I've thought that for years, I've bought some Baileys Irish Cream, do you want some?"

" Just a bit. I should let Sheridan and Hyacinth's sisters help more shouldn't I?"

" Yes, Liz, you should although I think you may know just as well as her sisters."

" If you go see her, you will be kinder won't you."

" Of course Liz. I may even use my musical talent to cheer her up."

" You know Emmet, even though she is dreadful at singing,it's a love of hers that will probably be very helpful in her recovery."

" You're right, Liz. Maybe it won't be so bad if she sings at me after all."

Hyacinth woke up the next morning from a beautiful dream. Her parents, husband and siblings were all together in a field of flowers singing together. It was so lovely and perfect. The night before, she had put so much energy in talking to others, that she hadn't noticed her surroundings much. She looked at a whiteboard that listed her care team.

" Patient Sitter, that's what they call you,dear? It's better than mentioning how I got here. Has anyone been here?"

" The nurse stopped by. Your son should be here shortly. I'm Ginny."

" Anyone else?"

" No, Mrs. Bucket, would you like breakfast?"

" I guess I should."

" Someone should be in shortly to ask what you want for breakfast."

Just then there was a knock at the door. A woman about 60 in a modest skirt suit, cross necklace and clerical collar asked," Hello, I'm the chaplain. Is now a good time?"

" My vicar is on holiday. Is it Sunday? I don't have my Book of Common Prayer,"said Hyacinth.

" I'm Sister Joan. Would you like to talk?"

" A lady vicar and religious sister, then?"

" Yes. It's not Sunday, but I'm here if you need to talk."

" I never thought I'd be tired of talking, but I am."

" Well, I'll pray for you."

" I'm.. I'm frightened," whispered Hyacinth.

" How can I help?"

Just then, Elizabeth and Sheridan walked in with Hyacinth's sisters Rose and Daisy.

" Sister Joan, I'm glad you still work here. You really helped my daughter years ago and she still mentions you. I'm Liz , Hyacinth's neighbor," said Elizabeth.

" Oh yes, I remember you. I hope your daughter is well."

" She is, yes."

" Daisy, Rose.. How did you know?, asked Hyacinth surprised to see them.

" Liz told us. We love you Hyacinth," said Daisy.

" Rose, that one time you asked for Mummy's wedding dress to..do what I.. tried.. why.." Hyacinth had started to sob.

" Why didn't I? I figured there were more fish in the sea. Just because he dumped me, it wasn't worth ending my life. I knew you'd all miss me."

" Why the wedding dress?"

" It was the finest dress she had."

" Dear, sweet, Mummy. I want that dress.. so if I ever.."

" No,Hyacinth. You need help. What happened to my big sister who used to comfort me when Dad and Mum were fighting at night? You were strong," said Rose.

" Oh Rose,not now, dear."

Hyacinth didn't want to remember the bad times. She had always tried to forget them.

" Would you like a prayer before I leave?," asked Sister Joan.

" 23rd psalm, please."

Everyone gathered around Hyacinth's bed and recited it, drawing strength from it and each other. Usually Hyacinth was embarrassed by her poor relatives, not wanting people to know they were related, but now, their presence was comforting.

Shortly after eating a little breakfast the doctor told her she was medically clear, but the psychiatrist and social worker would be in to talk about her future.

" Why must you all fuss over me so,?" asked Hyacinth.

" We want you to recover, not live everyday like you feel like killing yourself. That's why we are here," said Ginny.

" They have a good psychiatric ward, Hyacinth. Gayle had a good short stay while at university," said Elizabeth.

" Your, dear, sweet girl.. needed to come here? How.. embarrassing."

" It was scary, but not embarrassing."

" I.. I trust you, please,please don't tell the neighborhood, I'm thinking of psychiatric help."

"No, never. Emmet knows though. My brother's lips and mine are sealed."

" Does Violet know? I want to see Violet."

As if on cue, Violet walked into the room.

"Oh Hyacinth, I was so afraid when your neighbor texted me."

" Were you ashamed of me?"

" No,empathetic Hyacinth. I struggle with depression too."

" You own a Mercedes," remarked Hyacinth.

" So, I lived with an alcoholic father,hardly remember Mum when she was well and married a cross dressing cheating husband and called you about my troubles all the time. I thought of dying sometimes."

" But you never told your wealthy friends,did you?"

" I did. I told them I take antidepressants and get counseling."

" You did?"

" I did."

That gave Hyacinth what she needed to make her decision. If her wealthy sister wasn't shunned for disclosing, she felt comfortable getting help.

Just then, Dr. Ward walked into the room.

" Doctor, help me!"

" I will, Mrs. Bucket. I've brought you some pamphlets about psychiatric care options and have a few more questions for you about your mood."

" I'm ready, I'm going to try ever so hard to be strong and not ashamed."

Everyone in the room smiled and silently thanked God.


	5. Chapter 5

" I can get help. Mummy's treatments are rare now." Hyacinth was waiting for a bed in the psychiatric ward and reading brochures for psychiatric patients.

" Yes,rest assured, this is not the 60s, nor is it an episode of American Horror Story: Asylum, or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." said Ginny.

"American,what dear?"

" Let me think of a better reference for you,Bedlam?"

" So different than what I remember before. But I have to face this, think about it work hard on such scary feelings and taboo issues."

" We do not want you to waste away," said Ginny.

Sheridan walked into the room, with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Mum, I'm willing to help you in your future and now. You can carry on."

" Sheridan, always so thoughtful."

" Mum, I wasn't always." He was much more selfish twenty years ago, but Hyacinth had enabled him and spoiled him.

" I've never been a burden, before," said Hyacinth.

" Mum, look at me. Listen to me, you are not a burden."

Hyacinth looked into her son's eyes and saw her late husband's eyes.

"I can't stop thinking of your father. It's going to be too much work. No future after the hospital."

" A different life is ok,Mum."

" Pitty, that's all widows get, pitty."

"Or empathy, love, and support," said Sheridan.

" Stupid safety plan. Made me feel like a child," Hyacinth wanted help, but didn't like what the professionals suggested for help.

" That was a good first step, Mum. You need some time in hospital, then your family and friends will help you at home."

Hyacinth sighed, this was just so much, but she just couldn't go home again, not yet. It was too painful.

" Now, Mum. You are going to to meet all sorts of people with different kinds of struggles. It may be hard for you, but remember, although you may see some thing you think are socially unacceptable, like what you saw your Dad with his dementia and PTSD, try to nonjudgmental and not patronizing."

" Oh Sheridan, what if they remind me of Mummy or Daddy?"

" It'll be alright,Mum."

Dr. Ward walked into the room.

" Have you found the brochures helpful,Mrs. Bucket?"

"It's an awful lot of information. So many things you could try. What if they don't work?"

" Your symptoms of depression should lessen a bit. The goal is to have you living in the community with support. You will be having a new treatment team when you leave the accident and emergency room. Your psychiatrist will be a good fit for you, I think. She's closer to your age and was my mentor when I doing my psych residency here."

" Another lady psychiatrist. You trust her?"

" Completely, Mrs Bucket."

" Dr. Ward, Mum doesn't value many people's opinions. I'm so glad she's valuing yours. You worked well with her," said Sheridan.

" Thank you, Sheridan. I wish you luck in your studies. You've gone back to school for the right thing."

" Thanks, Dr. Ward," replied Sheridan who was going back to school for psychology.

"Our chat was difficult this morning, Dr. you promise what you said about confidentiality?"

" Yes, unless you have plans to harm yourself or others."

" I see." Hyacinth looked down, still uncomfortable every time the topic came up.

" Is there anything else you want before going up to the psychiatric ward?," asked Dr. Ward.

" Tell my vicar I'm here, Sheridan."

" I will, Mum."

" Hyacinth, do you feel safe with a check in from staff every 15 minutes, now? There will be nothing in your room you can harm yourself with. I think you are ready for that now," said Dr. Ward.

" Yes, I don't feel like doing much besides laying down."

" Well in time, staff will be making sure you will be doing other things to help you recover."

" Oh,dear. I'll be busy won't l?" Hyacinth was still afraid of her future.

" They'll explain your schedule. Feel free to ask questions, that's a good thing."

" I used to talk all the time. Now, I'm so exhausted."

" That's very common with depression. You'll be learning about your symptoms," said Doctor Ward.

" Sheridan, do you think Jesus still loves me?"

" Oh yes, Mum. I still love you too."

They embraced each other and felt strength. Hyacinth thanked God that her only son wasn't abandoning her and began the journey to the psych ward, scared, but knowing she was loved.


	6. Chapter 6

Hyacinth sat in a cozy chair in a small lounge opposite her sisters Rose and Daisy who were visiting her after her second day in the psych ward.

" Everyone here is so troubled. I've met a grieving widow who tried to commit suicide, even with a large estate," said Hyacinth.

" See, money doesn't always buy happiness," said Daisy.

" I made a list of reasons I should live, today,not that I really wanted to make it," said Hyacinth.

" That's good Hyacinth. I did that last time I had a bad break up," said Rose.

" Oh, Rose, forgive me. I used to call it nonsense, said you needed to stop silliness, when you threatened to do what I did. My little sister,oh dear." Tears spilled from Hyacinth's cheeks.

" You mean attempt suicide? I forgive you, Hyacinth. You were only trying to be a good big sister," said Rose.

" Sheridan introduced me to his lover.. er partner he called him, today. He's very stylish and very kind. The vicar says he's not mad at me and wants me to tell him if I'm struggling again. So sweet, said his sister finds comfort in church and struggles with anxiety and depression. He even said we've had monarchs with mental illness," said Hyacinth still surprised.

" See,everyone really does care about you, Hyacinth," said Daisy.

" Do you have coping skills, Rose? The psychiatrist says I should find them."

" I guess you could call smoking and finding more dates coping," said Rose.

" Oh." Hyacinth wrinkled her nose in disgust.

" You'll find something, you always do," said her optimistic sister, Daisy.

" They are giving me medication. They say the stay here shouldn't be too long. Going back scares me," said Hyacinth.

" You could stay with us," offered Daisy.

" Elizabeth and Sheridan will help. I'll be alright. You've done more than enough."

" We will continue to help. That's what family is supposed to do," said Rose.

" Yes, I tried to help you all," said Hyacinth.

" And now it's our time to help, you, Hyacinth," said Daisy.

" I was supposed to be the strong one, it's ones duty when you are the eldest. I rose out of poverty, lived the life of the dutiful housewife and hostess,trying to accepted in elite social circles, then I end up in hospital with everyone knowing what I did."

" We aren't telling everyone, Hyacinth," said Rose.

" Thank you. It's almost time for my supper."

" We love you, Hyacinth," said Daisy hugging her sister. Hyacinth didn't want to let go. The hug reminded her of the times her mother had been doing well.

" That felt like one of our dear Mummy's hugs," said Hyacinth.

" Good. We'll be back tomorrow."

" Daisy, dear, so very kind of you."

" That's what sisters are for, Hyacinth," said Daisy giving her sister's hand a reassuring squeeze.

Tears continued to fall down Hyacinth's cheeks and she felt a bit embarrassed. Helen, the psychiatric nurse who had been with her, the first night in the accident and emergency room came up to her.

"Is there something I can get you, Mrs. Bucket?"

"No.. no.. I'm fine," Hyacinth looked nervous.

" I was just going to see if you wanted some herbal tea."

"Oh.. Oh,yes. Yes, please." Hyacinth mentally kicked herself knowing Helen was to be trusted.

" Your neighbor, Elizabeth called to say she'll stop by after your supper," said Helen.

" Thank you for informing me. You are very good at what you do,young lady," said Hyacinth who liked the professional yet kind attitude she displayed.

" Thank you, Mrs. Bucket. Don't be afraid of emotions, remember you are not a robot," said Helen walking down the hallway with Hyacinth.

" Are you sure? She dresses like a Stepford Wife?," said a young patient.

" No,Emma, she's not. Are you ready for supper?," asked Helen.

" I guess."

During supper, Hyacinth told Emma about the candlelight suppers she used to host. Not that Emma cared. Hyacinth's old fashioned ways made her roll her eyes.

Hyacinth wished that more of her peers were here. How could she socialize with young people, if she were to get better?

After her meal, Hyacinth was glad to see Elizabeth.

" Elizabeth, I can't believe you visit so often. I must have frightened you so."

" Well, the important thing is you are getting help. I'm very glad you are coming around to accepting help. I know how difficult that can be."

" You've done it before, your Gayle got better didn't she?," asked Hyacinth.

" Yes,from what Sheridan told me, it sounds like your Mum dealt with the same mental illness."

" She's better, my mother never did get better."

" There are more options now and everyone is different. Gayle knows what happened. I know you always liked her. She asked if she could share her story and talk about coping with you."

" She was a very nice girl, very bright. She doesn't feel like.. attempting.. The psychologist wants me to say it.. attempting suicide. I said it, dear God. I.. I attempted suicide." Hyacinth covered her eyes with her hands.

" Hyacinth, please don't be embarrassed. Have you been learning about stopping stigma?"

" It goes against everything I learned. My aunts, uncles, father taught. I want not to be ashamed. I want to believe it's a chemical imbalance, not a horrid defect. I'm so sorry for babbling."

" Don't be, Gayle can help with that too. Do you want her to visit tomorrow?"

" Y- Yes. Do you mind hugs?"

" Not at all, Hyacinth. Would you like one?" Elizabeth was surprised. She had never seen Hyacinth hug anyone besides her son, and seldomly seen her even hug her late husband,Richard.

As Helen came to give Hyacinth her medication, she was so pleased to see Hyacinth getting the emotional support she needed.


End file.
